paranoia

i did a very stupid thing kanina. i felt so stupid becasue i promised myself that i will never do that again. but no...i still did it. knowing what the consequences are...haaay...i hurt my baby again...i'm so sorry... =,c

being an only child can be interesting. atleast you'll get whatever you want and walang kaagaw. you'll never have a fight with any siblings and all the attention is focused in you. yeah, it's fun to be an only child...depends on the circumstances.

when you're used to being selfish, childish and dependent when you were a child, you tend to bring those characteristics when you're grown up already. and when its time for you to change those attitudes, it becomes very hard. some people don't actually get it, but adjusting to situations when you're used to being adjusted to is a very difficult task to do. you go things the hard way and sometimes you tend to be emotional about your decisions. it sucks because people misunderstand you and they might get the wrong impression of you being "guilty" or "affected" in fact that you're just trying to prove something and the person won't just listen to you. we grow up in different kinds of situations and its really hard to adjust to different nature. but we try to do it just to not be judged or criticized by some people. we try to improve ourselves because we are proving to the world that we can be independent and certain about things even if we're used to being dependent and getting what you want all the time.

one thing i learned from my relationship with sergio is that you cannot get everything that you want. somethings require sacrifice on my part. and i should understand that my partner does not have the same perspective in life and i should respect that. i'm glad that he taught me those things, though we're going through it the hard way. i know i cna be stubborn sometimes but i admire his patience. and i'm really sorry if sometimes i test your patience...and i know that sometimes i cross the line. sorry baby... =c

i'm lucky to have my boyfriend right now...with all the bad things i've done and all the forgiveness i received from him..i'm just so lucky. from now on i will never act like that again. i'll consider your options and i'll know when to stop my "kadramahan". i'll tell you when i'm bothered by something and tell you if i get jealous...i wont keep you guessing this time baby..that i promise. if i break that promise again, you have the right to leave me. hard as it may be for me, i deserve that.

oh yeah, i need a psychiatrist. my emotions can sometimes be too much and it's getting hard for me already. it triggers my paranoia and i hate it when that happens...i tend to hurt myself.

*i love you so much, baby.. =) sorry for being childish again. i'll never let you down this time. promise. =) thanks for still loving me despite these..i'll change na talaga. *mwah* i love you.. =)