hell month

yup...but not because of my school, but because of my boyfriend. weird noh?

and since inoorasan moko kagabi and you're too sleepy to hear me out, i'm just gonna write everything that i want to say last night.

i know for sure that this month will be a "hell" month for the both of us. he has this induction thing and he said that the whole month he's going to be very busy. i said, ok and understood that. i let him do the things that he needed to do. i let him go to wherever he is needed even if he doesn't tell me kagad. i didn't mind. and when we talk at night, kahit na puro lait ang nakukuha ko (coz nagmamarunong ako..daw) i just accept it. i just say to myself, "baka super pagod lang toh...pabayaan ko na. shut up nalang." all of that i do, even if that's not my usual self, just because i understand your situation right now.

and for him, it's not like that. oo, i nag, i react, i usually make aguements with you and stuff but do you know why i do that? kasi you are not listening to me. you always say na pagod ka and youre sleepy...and you're like that when you're sleepy...ok, i know, i get that. but did it ever occur to you that i'm also like that when i'm worried about you? kasi naman, you don't even say where you're going and don't even reply to my texts...ako, i alot kahit konting time just to worry about you and ask where the heck you are. sana naman nagrereply ka kagad. so that i wont be waiting and looking for you all over the place. well, i already told you about that and thank you for doing it now. another thing, yung about yesterday, i was so tired and sleepy because i didn't have enough sleep, i was cramming and panicking the other night and i had a call time ng 6am...i'm sorry for being masungit. all i want lang naman kasi was to have some time alone with you..di mo ba gets yun? oo, you need to bond with your brods, pero cmon man, next week, magakakasama kayo and even if you're working you'll still have this bonding thing. all i was asking for was like 30 mins yesterday...compared to 23 hours and 30 mins and more you're going to have with them for the next few days. i'm sorry kung nadamay ko mga friends mo sa kasungitan ko. i was being quiet na nga eh. and i'm sorry if i didn't mingle with them yesterday. what do you expect? i was irritated na nga. i am masungit when i'm irritated...and if your friends have any problems with that, i'm so sorry..i'm just like that. kahapon lang naman yun eh...i bet the next time we're going to meet di nako ganun. nagkataon lang.

did you know what pissed me off yesterday? because i was expecting something from you, knowing that we're not gonna be together for the whole week next week. yeah, you texted me..you want to see me. i appreciate that. pero sana naisip mo man lang na 1 week tayo di magkikita and you could have spent some alone time with me. wala eh. nakita mo lang na medyo masungit ako, wala na. di na umeffort. oo nakakainins na masungit ako, pero sana man lang, kahit minsan, do something about that...make me feel better. maglambing ka naman..pero hindi eh. wala. naglaro ka nalang with your friends and you just asked if i was ok. yun.

maybe you're right...maybe all of this is because of you and your induction thingy. maybe i just couldn't fully understand what is instore for us this month. but i am trying to really understand all of them. i am actually. and for you, i'm not much of a help this month and i dont support you with your induction thing. but you're wrong. i do love to help you (even if you did not give me a chance to prove it) and you do have my full support. kasi naman, you always say na puro salita lang ako. di mo kasi napapansin, kaya kinukulit kita, kasi pnuprove ko sayo na kaya kong gawin lahat ng sinabi ko. but no..you're just too tired and sleepy to see that.

oh well, 1 week tayong di magkikita. it's the start of the week that i'm worried of. but i know you're going to be fine and you'll do good in your induction. i just pray that when you come back, everything will be alright na.

i love you so much..those are not just words. i mean them.